Motherhood Moments

If I’m going to lose my self for a decade, motherhood sure is a delicious thing to lose it to." Read that line in a blogpost/article...... And i totally agree..While having tiny fingers poking into my eyes at 6am on Saturday mornings is not fun and being emotionally blackmailed by a tiny 4 yr old saying "I love you and i want to hug you" everytime i open my mouth to say "Time out" is not what i expected of Motherhood.....The years are going by way too fast... My tiny baby is already a little boy...and so i'm deciding to enjoy the tiny fingers and toes (With all the poking and kicking)...

Time Flies....

Recently one of my college mates put up a post on FB to remind us all that it has been a decade since that fateful day we joined cllege.. I can still remember that day with total clarity...4 of us on a bench together....An inaugral speech by our chairman which showed us that his speeches would be the most entertaining feature of our college lives.... A kinda good looking guy sitting next to me and both of us ignoring each other as our parents chatted (coz boys and girls could not talk - Even with chaperonage) My Mom telling me that the friends i made that day would not be the same friends i had by the time a month went past (she was right) A bearded Professor glaring at us when we laughed at our chairman's english ... The excellent food that would be the one saving grace of the 4 year jail term.... 10 years have now gone by and i look back and see so many things ...so many lessons learnt...So many mistakes made..... So many times my "wat u see is wat u get" attitude got me into trouble... So many movie scenes played out in real life... So many regrets..... But those lessons and mistakes have been the stepping stones for so many decisions.... Those punishments and blackmails by professors, funny anecdotes I share with friends... Of those friends made in those 4 years... I am still in touch with so many... Facebook and WhatsApp and Skype have helped... But sometimes I wonder... Would life have been easier for those 4 years of I had owned a crystal ball? Would I have been cheated less?? Gotten hurt less?? Made bettter use of opportunities?? .. I guess I will never know....

Aunty- To be or not to be....

So I'm on a Long vacation in canada.... and the first thing that annoyed me was the fact that a gal a few years younger than me called my "Aunty"... If anyone has seen the godreg hair dye ad they will know exactly how i reacted..It led to a few billion trips to the mirror to check for greys and wrinkles....and A few million questions to the hubby about whether i had aged in the last few weeks.coz the he last time i had a reaction that was age related was when a boy(calling him boy coz he is just out of college) i worked with asked me if i was a fresher..(He made my day)

So imagine my shock to be called aunty.....She kept it up....I got annoyed enuf to tell her to call me by my name -coz i was not her aunty(And now she calls me akka-which is much better).Then another "Aunty"(another poor gal in her 20's) explained to me that all the single folk refer to all the married people as aunty and Uncle....

But i did not have much to do with any of them so i was fine till last week when another guy in his 20's took it into his head to call me aunty....I expalined to him - very politely- that i did not like it...that i was just a few years older than him...And he told me that i was married and that was all it took to give me the title..And then he said "Welcome to Canada"

I dont kno if he just wanted to annoy me as much as possible-(he was a pretty sweet chap normally)but then he kept referring to me as aunty every chance he got....

I dont kno wat to do !!!!!

Proud to Be Dark!!

Blogging after a Loooooooooooong time..The reason?? A video by a girl in Canada that can be seen here

My Problems with Skin color started so long ago I cant even remember their origins...My First actual memory regarding skin color is my grandmother and mother telling me that if I ate well as a kid I'd grow fairer...Followed by a live-in servant who told me that eating rasam rice would make me dark(Apparently I ate only rasam rice as a kid and this was to get me to stop and eat something else) Her Lie worked and I developed an aversion for it...It was not until years later that I figured out that rasam does not make one dark....Rasam is still not something I eat much of -subconsciously the aversion persists!!


Now I'm going to write about my journey in a fair skinned world....Considering this is a subject I feel passionately about, expect a loooooooong post!!

I remember being told that I was a fair skinned baby and that nurses in the hospital named me 'Rosie' becoz of it.......Over the years I realized that Dark Skin was not a Blessing in my community....I had a pretty normal childhood with the usual taunts about skin color as a part of it....Then I turned 11 and moved into high school...


There was a request for Girls from my class to volunteer as Angels for a Play the seniors were putting up....I remember my teacher saying " you girls know which of you girls look like angels ..Those with long hair and Fair skin can volunteer"

Now I have a Question? Had the teacher ever seen an angel? How did she know that angels were Long haired and fair skinned? For all she knew Gabriel is up there going "Damn!!I wish I had her lovely brown skin color!!"

As I was Growing up I realized I was the only dark kid in my family. Now my Cousins are all Beautiful women in their own right....And they are all also Extremely fair!!

I remember an aunt once asking a Cousin of mine who was 18-19 at the time what kinda guy she wanted to marry....The cousin replied that she did not care if he was dark or bald .....And my Aunts shocked response was "But your whole generation will become Dark!!" Now in my 20's I can laugh at this incident but as a teenager trying to piece together my identity This had a pretty big impact on my self confidence....

A creep calling me "Blacky" in high school did not help.....The fact that he is also dark skinned or that I had no idea he even existed was another story entirely....

Move on to college where Girls from my class were Handpicked to basically transport Prizes from one Side of the stage to the chief Guests Hands During College Functions and to stand at the entrance as the reception Committee....My college staff decreed that these girls had to be "Fair" Their reasoning was "only fair girls look good in the Photos"

Add to this a Whole truck load of fairness cream advertisements on TV stating that you needed fair skin to Get a job/Impress a guy/Achieve your dreams/Stand up for yourself etc (According to this a Brialliant girl cannot achieve any of the above with just Brains and Will...Being FAIR Skinned was the essential ingredient!!)

There was an advertisement for Chakolas FAirness oil which has a father appealing to the TV audience to suggest Alliances for his dark skinned daughter as she was not getting married.....Then she begins to use the oil..And the father Informs the Audience that Lo and Behold his DAughter is fair and Her marriage is fixed... ) and imagine what Havoc this Plays on an already Fragile confidence level!!

It got so bad that at one point of time I had every single Fairness cream that was appearing on TV on my dressing table hoping to Achieve that Elusive and Lovely Fair skin.....I was Using bleaches..Home remedies....Even the Silly Chakolas Fairness oil..

Then in the First year of college I was googling for more ways to make my skin "Fairer" when I came across an article written by a fellow dark skinned gal....

I have forgotten her words and I cant find the article now, But this girl changed my Life!!

She was a confident , mature and smart girl who refused to let the worlds standards for beauty make or break her.....She wrote about being happy in her skin and Proud of being dark....That was the day my belief system changed..I decided that if that girl could love her skin then so could I. I walked into my room and threw every single fairness cream into the trash...And have never looked back since.....

Skin Color does not matter once you decide to not let it matter....Eventually its how you look at yourself that will decide who you become!! If you love yourself the world's prejudices cant hurt you or destroy you(they will try).....Do Not give others that Power....


The Journey has not been an easy one.....Especially when I went on the Marriage Mart...I was not ( and still am not) the Typical Wifely Material... I am not fair , I am not easily dominated and I will Stand up for what I believe in..."Pathi" is not Parameshwar for me..."Pathi" is a Partner .....With equal Rights....So I told my GOD my requirements and sat back....And landed a Tall ,DARK and Handsome Husband...Who does not care that I'm not fair..And who loves me for me ... Revolutionary ideas and all!!

Today I have a happy life.....I Got a job/Got married/Followed my dreams with the Grace of God and with my Dark skin...My Dark Skin was not a curse....It was just a Part of who I was.....



I am a Brown skinned Girl and I am Proud of it!!!!



P.S: Its bad enough when fairness creams for girls are on the market.. Fairness creams for men??? That is Just Pathetic...People Please stop Falling into the "Fair is Beautiful/Handsome" trap!!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..True or False!!

I'v been separated from a loved one due to work reasons......And as sickening as having people quote proverbs to u can be..Its at its worst when people tell me about familiarity and fondness and all the rest....

Seriously??

We miss the people we love..And we only realize we love them and miss then so much when a little distance falls b/w us.....

But trust me.....Love grows with togetherness not distance..And separation is not my cup of tea.....

Which makes me wonder how the families with one family member abroad or in the armed forces survive.....I people walk into relationships with people in these professions with eyes wide open right??
So how do they make it work???

Is the distance just a part of the deal?? and they learn to work with it??
Or is it a sacrifice they make for the love they want??

Or does it just not matter??

I know people in long distance relationships who seem to be doin fine too...How does that work??

Is it that with so much distance you don't really have time to realize the Negative side of ur love?? that life just seems one perpetual dream??

Well i may not have all the answers..But i sure have a lot of questions!!!

Faith to Move Mountains

Been Planning to Post for a long time...Had a gazillion ideas....But just somehow never got around to doing it.

So I'll start off with one story that is close to my heart......

A close Friend of mine lost a dear one On Holy Saturday. Now that was tragic enough. But the fact was she is getting married next week and the funeral took Place in the same church which is going to host her wedding which made it worse....

Now A scenario like this would have probably sent Me Off the deep end ......I can just imagine what kind of hysteria and drama I would have subjected the world to.....So I was prepared for that kind of situation when I went to see her.
What Surprised/Shocked me was, not only did she receive me with a smile. It ended up with her comforting me.

Her faith in the plans of a God who is always faithful...And her trust that No matter what God will be there made me hang my head in shame. Quite honestly that kind of faith is what a Christian should have, No matter what Trust him entirely.

And I actually saw someone living the kind of faith that I always thought was easy to preach but impossible to practice..... She is an inspiration...On Courage...On Faith...And on facing all odds and still coming out a victor….All because her faith is not on man but an Almighty God!!

Wishing her a Blessed Married Life….And all Gods Choicest Blessings in her future….

Misfortune never comes single....

Been having a lot of Problems lately... Its like one tidal wave barely subsides before the others hit.... Thats pretty worrying... With every Hit i begin to realize how you can never plan for life...It will hit in the most unexpected spots and at the most unexpected times..Its like God decided to let me know "Think you have your life all figured out?? Think Again!!"

And the funny thing is None of these problems can be solved By me or any of my family members.Its totally out of our control ..Makes one realize exactly how fickle man and life really are...With no control over our lives or the lives of our loved ones we can only be spectators of what ever is happening...

And while the very thought of losing control is really scary...As the old adage goes...Lfe will go on!!

Ravages of Time....

I got a Facebook invite from a guy a few days back.I did not recognize the profile pic.So i did not respond to it.But then i noticed that there were quite a few mutual friends and all from my school(which logically led me to assume this guy was from my school too..) So i went to his profile just to see if i could place him.He had quite a few pics in his albums and it was when i was on the 10th pic or so that i realized the men i had been seeing in the last 9 pics had all been classmates of mine. And i was shocked..Why???

Some of these guys had been the heart throbs of school. With a hoard of fans...(Personally i had always been into the intellectual type guys,So these chaps were not ones i noticed) .And they looked so different,Not in the good sense. With beer bellies and flabby arms...One of them was actually starting to go bald. They seem to be doing well and havin a good time. But they certainly did not look like they were on the right side of 25.

I have not seen many of my classmates in 10yrs or more and Now seeing photos on Facebook leaves me with a sense of disbelief.These girls with babies in their hands and weighing some 20 kilos more than they used to are the girls i once played hop-scotch with.... Time spares no-one..So i suppose the only thing to hope for is that in 10 yrs time (no matter how i look) I still feel young :)

New Friends ,Old Friends and Ex -Friends.......

I’ve been on a 'making new friends' spree lately...Made a lot of new friends ...in varying age groups and from varying backgrounds....Ever since I moved to my new house with my husband, my biggest grouse has been that I have a trillion shops in this area and no one to go shopping with me.... Men are horrible at shopping...They either spend hours or seconds shopping...and its never for the things you like...So I was missing all my girl friends (who are now either busy with jobs or children :P) and missing my hour long shopping trips when I found some friends in unlikely places who share my love....And we'v already covered quite a few of de shops on my list (if we do this on weekdays, imagine my weekends!!) So I'm now one happy shopper:D

But I feel there is this balance god thinks u need to have ...Coz the more new friends I make the more I lose touch with old ones.... Social networking helps keep in touch( so they say ) While I’m really grateful to FB and orkut( I found a lot of old mates on them) they keep you connected without actually keeping the connection alive( am I making sense??) For example...I know which friends of mine are in which city, who are married/engaged and whoz got wat job/kid.... But I have absolutely no idea how they are...if they are happy or sad...and I have not spoken to any of them in a long time..... Which kinda makes the whole thing feel like I’m watching a movie where I have no part :(

And while old friends become more and more distant.....Life makes some old friends turn to Ex-friends..There are some friends whom I remember thinking standing beside me wen I’m old and grey..... I still remember the second I met them, The kind of friendship had with em and the warm fuzzy feeling my heart still gets wen I think of them...But somewhere along the way people change....U never factor that in when u think of being "Friends Forever" They just stop being friends for no apparent reason and while it still hurts to think of them .... Somewhere along the way I have learnt to let go as well..I still keep hoping those friends will call...Whatever the reason was for their silence -that the problem will be solved etc...But these hopes may be just hopes..... They have become "Ex-Friends"…. But friends Past, Present and Future...Here's wishing you all a great life ahead!!!

Of Competitions and Rivalries....

My account has been having Sym-olympics for the past 2 weeks...thats an event my company has every year to give the poor employees some fun and frolic....According to them this helps us use our creative brains, Helps with stress etc etc...I'm not sure how well it works in those areas.. but it helps make new friends...and fight with old ones..... Call it a competitive streak i did not know i had.... or an intolerance for injustice But when one team started cheating and usurped us from our rightful spot at number 1 i lost it....So friends in that team are now no longer talkin to me .....

As for new friends Members in my team whom i never even knew existed two weeks back are now good friends :)...So after losing our Place at number 1 in an event yesterday yesterday(coz the participating teams members were the ones conducting it) we are back at number one today after a smashing won in ODC decorations :) where all my artistry skills(that i did not know i had) came in very handy ......

So winners of the championship cup that we are i'm gonna have a lovely weekend in the secure knowledge that in the end Truth Triumphs !! and I'm a winner :)

Life's Realities

Had a long chat with my mother today ...And she asked me why i was neglecting my blog...which reminded me that i had not written a new post for more than 8 months..... All thanks to that fantastic husband of mine.... Truth is i started the blog as a means to vent my feelings...and now that i have a 24 hr sounding board in both Arun and my mom...i did not really need to vent...besides the last 4 months of my life has been so damn blissful... that i was worried that writing about it might jinx it.....Anyway will try to update regularly in future......

Reality Check.....

I"m a dreamer......And i'v been on this roller coaster ride called a courtship for over 3 months now.Its supposed to be a lot of fun...even the arguments.....I sincerely hope my mom does not read this...or if she does that she wont pitch a fit about it.....U see my mother does not realize that arguments and getting inside another persons head are all part of the fun...Anyway our arguments range from silly things like crying after watching 3 Idiots....to serious stuff like where to buy property....to Who should learn cooking- Me or Him(Right now he is winning that particular argument)....Mom does not belong to the "Pathi is Parameshwar" group....but she still comes from the school of thought which says Girls always always have to give in.....Well i say lets bring in a whole new system.... Compromise is a great thing.... That is what makes relationships work..But if a girl is always going to be the one giving in it will not make for a happy marriage...She will be frustrated and angry at being the doormat...and carrying such grievance in her heart will not make her a saint but an idiot..... Let both partners compromise...and u will have a true marriage.....One that will last...w/o the wife being the martyr or the husband the villain....

Good Days..Great Days....

Today was a good day...Let me rephrase....Today was a great day...My Dad came home!!! Now I know what that sounds like, And my dad did not leave us (not willingly at least)...and I’ve been seeing him once every two months for the past 8 yrs....But in the 8 yrs he spent away from de family his every visit to Chennai was timed..We knew he'd be going back. Not this time.Hez back for good. And my joy is doubled by the smiles I see on my grandparents faces and the Happiness on my mothers.8 yrs went by fast and while in that 8 yrs Hyderabad became a second home to me( I will miss that friendly city:( )Having dad back means I have my whole family under one roof again. Today our family prayer actually felt complete.

Optimistic as I am I have a morbid turn of mind. I kept thinking that something would happen to the plane mom and dad were on. And that fear was getting worse by the minute. So imagine my relief when the car pulled up outside my house and Dad got out safe and sound. I almost screamed Yippee!!!

Fathers are very important figure in one’s life...They are the role models u learn from, The pillars of strength u lean on and if u are a pampered only daughter (which I am!)-Ur unending supply of anything u ask for (My personal Santa!!)...My father is a Gem. Something anyone who has met him will vouch for. The Guy with a Heart of Gold and a love face (that means everyone who meets him, loves him).I do not know what I did to deserve a father like him...But he is my life's most prized treasure. And now that hez home, My cup runneth over!!!

T'was Great to be Single.....

Almost a Whole month has passed since my last post...And a whole lot of things have happened in the past month!!

I went from being Gloriously Single......To being Blissfully Committed.....and I'm not complaining....My Prince Charming has arrived!! And I'm still kind of pinching myself....Every time my mother said she'd be the one to find my husband I always used to picture this person in my head.....So imagine my sadness when I realized that reality was very different.All the boys I was shown were nothing like the picture in my mind and I felt that The boy of my dreams did not exist And then, in walked Mr. Right!!!
My close friends know that I always liked the intellectual, Quiet and Intense types...And that’s exactly what I got!! Hari remember that list I made when I was 17?? And you said it would be impossible to find a guy who fulfilled even half the qualities??? I think I just found him!!! Hez all that I ever wanted and what’s more, He likes me for me.... There is no Drama.....No pretenses..... I can be me with him....Idiosyncrasies and all!! People say that real life is not a Rom-Com....There will not always be a happy ending...And Prince charming s do not exist...But guess what?? I was an Exception.....

Flying High....

I had a really interesting day today....I walked for close to 2 kms in the rain, wearing a white salwar Doing a balancing act on top of the median in the middle of the road, ..All the while thinking my mother screams when I stand on top of the bed (she thinks I'll hit my head on the fan - and I repeatedly remind her "I'm not that tall!!" ) wonder what she'd say if she saw me now??

Normally this could be considered a rotten start to the day...Having to get out of the auto as the road is blocked(which meant walking was my only option),Being told by ur TL(Team Lead to the non IT readers) tat u have to show up for work today(So I could not even bunk),Walking in the slush and grime wearing heels(trust me - Not an easy task),and having to sit an entire day in an air conditioned office in wet clothes(My teeth were actually chattering at one point)But it really was not.....Why am I so upbeat?? Probably coz my official situation has gone from “horrid” to “WOW!!” in a month...The politics is down, I’m no longer a target and I get to spend my weekends at home.... So I'm flying high and a little bit of rain is not gonna bring me down :)

New Twists in Life.....

Ever had a time in life when u seemed to be getting what u asked for...but the packaging was totally different?? Like u asked for ice cream and u got vanilla while the flavor u love is chocolate...What do u do?? Be thankful for the ice cream?? Or Throw a tantrum for chocolate??Would demanding chocolate make me ungrateful?? Or settling for vanilla make me a coward?? Or am I supposed to accept my flavor with all the good grace in the world and not look a gift horse in the mouth??

My life has been like this lately...All those who know me think I'm very lucky(i prefer to think of it as blessed)...My Team mates say "you are lucky" all the time coz according to them I've got a perpetual smile on my face....and only the truly happy people can do that..And only those with perfect lives are truly happy...But the fact of the matter is...Happiness is a matter of choice...Twists and turns are confusing...But look at them with the correct perspective and even vanilla seem like chocolate...And maybe chocolate is over rated...I may love vanilla best after all!!

Of Sleepovers and Girl-Friends.....

I had a sleepover in my place recently...with a group of close friends from office...My sleepovers till date generally involved studying for difficult exams thru the night or going on a college trip early in the morning...So this was my first official sleepover where the only object was fun....and boy, did we have fun!! I often tell a close friend of mine that some how no matter how close guy friends are, Gal-pals are a total necessity. They understand the way u tick and know just what to say when u r feeling blue in a way guy friends never can. This sleepover just kinda proved a point .We did some totally girlie stuff (watching chick flicks and yapping), watched a horror movie and screamed our heads off at even the non scary parts, ate buckets of junk food, clicked a million pictures and had a ball....and like that was not enough we topped it off with a visit to the zoo the next day.....It may sound totally juvenile to say we went to the zoo. But it was a lot of fun...my last trip to the zoo was probably in primary school so I had forgotten that Childhood may not have had a salary account but it certainly had its perks. Cycling around in the zoo made me revisit my carefree schooldays...And though life is no longer so carefree...for those two days it definitely seemed to be.....

Twilight Craze....

I saw a movie last week.... I've known a movie called Twilight existed for quite some time now. Known Rob Pattinson was the hero...Just never felt interested in seeing it. Last week I had nothing more to download...And I was feeling bored... So I downloaded this movie just for the heck of it....and guess what? I fell in love with it...So I started out on the books... Stephanie Meyer…u may have replaced Jane Austen and Jeffery Archer on my favorite author listing...I have never been this hooked to a book series before...That includes my J.K Rowling, Ayn Rand, Dan brown, C.S Lewis and Erich Segal obsessions put together...I sat for hours on my PC continuously reading all 5 books(I'm including the rough draft of Midnight sun) and anyone who knows me will know I never read e-books no matter how much I love the author(unless I'm dead bored).I was so obsessed I was pretty much living in the twilight world for the last week. And every friend I met ended up hearing about twilight...

I'm still trying to decide whether I loved the book or movie more. And that has never happened to me before - not even with 'A Walk to Remember' and 'Pride and Prejudice'.....Now I’m waiting for the release of the movie- New Moon and for the completion of Midnight Sun...Am also planning to buy the paperbacks soon.....

Vanilla, Strawberry, Chocolate and Chilli - Pepper....

Friends come in all types of flavors....I have my vanilla friends...They are always the same - dependable, sensible and always ready to give me some much needed advice.... I have my Strawberry friends....they are fun, interesting and keep my life from becoming one monotonous routine. Then there are my chocolate friends....Exotic tastes like mine...Completely on my wavelength...As mad as me....and totally addictive.... and then we come to the Chilli - Pepper friends. They drive me insane. I want to scream, yell and tell them to go to hell....And I never ever do it. Wonder why?? Coz I need of them in my life... But the fact of the matter is...All my friends...all these flavors are what make my life as interesting and colorful as it is....In the Worst of times....and the Best of times....

Faith Tested,,,

My life has been a roller coaster of emotions over the past few months...One day I'm Happy-The next day I'm miserable, One day I'm optimistic and the next I feel life has come to a dead end......Today is one of the BAD days.....A day when I feel life has hit rock bottom..And could not possibly get any worse....A day I find hard to keep my faith, and a day I question God even though I know better. I of all people should know from experience that God always does things to make my life better...And yet I find it difficult to praise him for the things he does...Forgive me Father...I'm only human...And I cannot see the big picture just yet. Give me Faith to believe...To trust blindly and to accept ur will in my life....Help me to Stand still, And know that You are God.